At 5pm last night I came through the quiet Taipei and a raggamuffin in dirty yellow tracksuit bottoms and striped t-shirt holding up a sign with my name on it motioned me to sit down to one side of the exit. I couldn't work out if the raggamuffin was a boy or a girl but he/she was obviously a goaffer for the hotels and cab companies. Just as I sat down a woman with very small glasses and huge buck teeth came striding over and nodded for me to follow her. She was ugly and energetic and marched to the exit dragging my huge wheely trolley like it was something she'd just slaughtered for dinner. I figured that if she had been born during the neolithic era she would probably be revered as the tribe's best hunter and allowed to wear a necklace made from the teeth of all the saber toothed tigers she'd killed. With a satchel full of fat black marker pens and a sheath of papers she dressed like a teenager but was about my age. She was the kind of person you'd feel quite safe with if you got lost in the Pennines because you know that whatever happened, she'd find you a way home and even if she couldn't do that she'd be able to hunt you something for supper or make a hut from tearing up turf. As she bundled me into a black limousine she pressed her face against the glass and smiled so all her teeth were showing and waved a lot. As the car pulled away she returned to the arrivals lounge to hunt for her next visitor.
Sliding along the grey mortorway into town it was a bit chilly, with fine rain. A huge tower block like the Empire State Building was sticking out from a cloud of mist, covered in small twinkling lights. it was like being on the set of Bladerunner only not so morose. No sooner had I arrived and unpacked when Vctoria and her 24 year old assistant Kelly arrived to take me to dinner. They walked me down the street full of restaurants and found one that seemed to have no furniture but they assured me it was 'famous' and after what seemed like an argument with the owner, we stood at the counter whilst Victoria ordered some dishes for us to share. I later discovered that these arguments are normal and that Taiwanese people speak like they have a mouth full of marbles and could be telling each other they love one another but it still sounds like an argument.
Out of politeness I tried all of the dishes, even the spinach that was covered in tiny soft bodied white fish with weeny black eyes, and a huge fried fish on its side that seemed to have hardly any flesh on it, just one very large eye and a row of sharp teeth. "Very good street for food" said Victoria, who seemed to enjoy her meals. "You get hungry, just come out of hotel and any place you like you can eat." and she waved her chopsticks around. Her opinion of hotels was based on how close they were to places to eat. One of the activities I figured might be high on her enjoyment list. "You no like Tofu? Too spicey for yoo? No problem I eat it" and she scooped up the fleshy wobbly wads of boiled tofu tat were too spicy for kelly and myself. Kelly took a photo of me holding a pea in my chopsticks. "Is this a popular restaurant?" I asked, looking around at the empty tables. "It is the night restaurant," explained Victoria, open mostly from midnight until 6am. People come here with guests they want to impress. I was dying for a cup of tea.
Walking back to the hotel we stopped at a bakers where a young man was flattening square pancakes with his hand and frying them on a hotplate. "You like milk?" asked Victoria? Yes, I said I did like milk. A minute later she thrust a large paper cup of soy milk into my hand and Kelly showed me how to pierce it with a straw. "No hot milk tonight. You must drink it warm. No tea. No coffee. Not good for jet lag" and they stood and watched me until I had drunk half of this vomit inducing substance and then tey were satisfied. "What you think? Nice yes?" I nodded weakly and hoped my room at tea making facilities.
"Here. You take this. Case you hungry later," and Victoria handed me a plastic bag containing a flat square pancake that was oozing fat onto the paper bag, and two doughnuts that were long like fat breadsticks. "For night time. Maybe you is hungry then yes?" It was already 9pm so I don't know what night time she was meaning but obviously food is important to my host so I said thank you and that I was very grateful.
In the hotel lobby we sat at a polished table and she gave me a very large sum of money in cash plus £300 quids worth of Taiwanese dollars and a mobile phone into which she had put her number and kelley's number in case I needed to contact her. Kelly handed me the equivalent of an Oyster card, ready charged, so I can make my way to the venue each day by tube. "One last thing," she asked, "What kind of student you don't like?" I said there weren't any kinds of stuent I didn't like, that al kind of students were fine. She thought I had misunderstood her so she said, "what about student who come late? You ok with that?" I nodded. "What about this?" and she leant back and folded her arms in sulky teenage mode. I said I was ok with that too. She sat up, somewhat perplexed. "We stop it for you. You get student like that, we make it stop." I assured her that my students weren't late and were rarely disinterested but that if any were late or disinterested that would be fine. She nodded, trusting that I knew what I was doing. "Ok. Kelly come tomorrow at 2 take you to show you venue," and Kelly nodded enthusiastically. "Now you must rest very big time. Tomorrow you sleep until lunchtime no problem. We find you."
Jane x
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